A thought or two for the week-end

Questions you just can’t answer

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there
is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,
but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up
every two hours?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for ‘normal’ people at the
Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as
cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem
longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be
a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder…..

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll
squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?’

Who was the first person to say, ‘See that chicken there… I’m gonna
eat the next thing that comes outta it’s bum.’

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast
to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t
point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get
undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re
both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?

Stop singing and read on…….

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

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2 thoughts on “A thought or two for the week-end

  1. Kenneth

    These   words can be found in the 7th chapter of Tarzan of the apes. (my childhood hero)
    "True, he had seen pictures in his books of men with great masses of hair upon lip and cheek and chin, but, nevertheless, Tarzan was afraid. Almost daily he whetted his keen knife and scraped and whittled at his young beard to eradicate this degrading emblem of apehood.
    And so he learned to shave–rudely and painfully, it is true–but, nevertheless, effectively".
    Well it is an answer, is it not.

    Reply
  2. Cherno

    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad atyou, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out thewindow? `
    The difference between some fool blowing in my face and me sticking my head out of the car window is: the smell.

    Reply

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