The Joys of Marriage

This was just too funny not to share. I know the men who visit this space can handle it as they all have wonderful characters and will enjoy a good chuckle too. 
Marriage (Part I )
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.  I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said: "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not."
(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
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Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!"
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
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Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer to the phone?" She says, "I was in bed."; "In bed this early, doing what?"; "Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
***************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go
home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
****************************************
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
*****************************************
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
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14 thoughts on “The Joys of Marriage

  1. Kenneth

    I know now why i have remained unmarried all these years, yes it is funny and i have chuckled much, however, i feel you have opened a can of worms,so, you should prepare yourself for a deluge of male counter attacks in defence of the married man.
    Here is my contribution towards said defence.
     

    Q: What is the difference between a woman and a washer?A: After you dump your load, the washer won’t follow you around for days asking, "Do you love me?"
     
    I am happy you were so titilated at the £ards comment yesterday, it made me laugh also.
    Have a pleasant swedenday Kate and if you need any washing doing just give me the nod and I will be there in a flash.
     
     

    Reply
  2. Michiko's

    This your entry was so funny I enjoyed reading a specially the last one, The silent treatment that I love to that LOL!
    it’s good be laugh thank you for sharing those comics.
    Have a wonderful day,
    Michiko

    Reply
  3. Mei's

     
    Hello Kate, thankyou for your lovely comment and the helpful advices, I had try all that, I think my only trouble is living with father in-law from the beginning, he makes me the baddie and he is the goodies. I really don’t know what to do when she gives me the hard time! Really want to leave home to let her feel what will be like when I’m not home for good! Thanks again for your visit. Have a good coming week! Don’t worry! Don’t think I’ll do that, I hope! Mei

    Reply
  4. Peter

    Hi Kate phew .. that says a lot for getting a couple of dachsunds insdead of a husband ! ..You said there were a lot of storms around recently ? I very much enjoy a few good storms (don’t know what that says about me though) .. a good brush with the old thunder & lightning for luck … I was just thinking about what you said "Dinner for one" .. there is a play usually broadcase each new  year on German tv of the same name .. english audio ..  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtkDUlx4_-Y  quite entertaining and a little laugh …Have a good week !Peter

    Reply
  5. Rog

    Hey Kate, how you doin down there is SA? Well I hope! Like the marriage stuff, great put downs have a quality all of their own don’t they? Do you read? I have a little review on my page which you may enjoy! All hugs are welcome, fierce or gentle, passionate or playful! Thanks for yours, they are of course returned across the ether in whatever form suits your mood! Chin Chin.

    Reply
  6. Rog

    Sorry, forgot to say that when I lived down in Dorset, in the Isle of Purbeck, my favourite time was when the east wind blew. It was the only wind that had an effect on an otherwise completely sheltered bay. Amazing transformation took place, huge waves clearing the sea defences, got washed clean off the sidewalk once, very lucky to be washed up immediately on to some stone steps and climbed straight back of of the water again!!! Lesson learned. RESPECT.

    Reply
  7. Dusty

    Thanks for a great blog – gave me a laugh anyhow!
    Also ta for being a regular visitor to my space….and for your welcome comments.
    Yes – how about that – someone taking the gate eh?  Life’s too short to worry about it too long – Mike has put another one now and we are looking forward to our next trip off with the van – will be telling you all about it no doubt.
    Meanwhile enjoying catching up with the garden etc – having great weather now
    love
    Dusty
    x
     

    Reply
  8. Unknown

    perfect marriage,   mrs . h was asked about a beautiful ring she was wearing, yes she sais, it is  beautiful  but it comes with a life long curse. oh sais the asker,  yes replies mrs . h   mr. h lol cheers for rading this , got her before mark did with this one. glad ur enjoying his space , writers block, i err have to admit i hardly visit it but then i do get to enjoy him lol xxx loulou xxx

    Reply
  9. carole

    As they say, behind every good man there’s an even better woman! Hope the weather has improved in Cape Town & all is well with you. x

    Reply
  10. Mei's

     
    Hi Kate, good morning forgot to thank you for the lovely joke, they’re very funny! It make me laugh hahaaaaaa! Forgot to show my hubby last night. I’ll remember later. see yaaa! Mei

    Reply
  11. Ye Olde

    Hi Kate,
    Thanks for your anniversary wishes, we had a very good anniversary weekend down in london, culminating in the most expensive snack I have ever bought at a place called Chez Gerrard in Covent Garden….
    Yes , I know,  Covent Garden,  tourist , expensive, thicky provincials etc…. but to cough £ 113 english earth pounds for 4 snacks & 2 drinks each was a bit steep. : o (
     
    I left a rather long message on your blog re. meat eaters, veggies, and the polarisation of views regarding the subject, then pushed the back button & deleted the lot by accident. tit!
     
    I afraid I was that cheesed off, I couldn’t write it again, so left in high dudgeon, with my rear end in my hands, to calm down a bit, then every time I try to get on & leave a message something happens here,& I run out of time, so I apologise on 3 fronts, the 2 already mentioned , the 3rd for being tardy in replying.
     
    The weather with you sounds wild.. I gather its the rainy season.. we have had our fair share of raindrops, but at long last it appears to be drying up, with a good weekend forecast for us.
    Hopefully  you might be able share in our good fortune, with a bit of sun for your self!
     
    Re. the train delays.. do you get much in the way of bomb threats out there ? How far away are you from mugabe’s henchmen?
    That man is a menace to society,& I sometimes can’t believe how he has managed to get away with it for so long.
     
    Anyway, enough political comment…. joys of marriage.. very funny, I will show them to the old growler & see if she agrees!
    have a good week, and weekend, plenty of sun, no rain, & no more bomb threats!
    take care
    see you soon
    woof woof x

    Reply
  12. LAIRD

    I sit in my local observing the other customers, glass of wine in hand. . . . . Women who have nt got a bloke crave for one and those who have one complain about them. Women who lose a bloke to another woman always blame the bloke not the rival.
    I love my glass of wine. Like most women it is warming, intoxicating, has a seductive aroma and is soon past its vintage. 

    Reply
  13. Judex

    Kate,
     
    I love what I read here.  Good smile, good laugh too.
     
    May I tease you a little, lovely Kate ?  I cannot imagine that God created the Masterpiece from a rib of the Draft ! Yes, only God can do that !  I have never teased you before, hey ?
     
    Hope you are keeping well.  Keep enjoying us.
     
    Love,
    Judex. XXXXX

    Reply

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